i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
