This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
