i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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