just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am naked and annoyed.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize