btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
