it was like his penis was on wheels.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
COCAINE IS GR8
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
