She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
