Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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