Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
