I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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