so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
