god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
