1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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