She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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