And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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