we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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