i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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