bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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