A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
