you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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