The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm gonna fight the coyote
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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