All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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