Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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