i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
