She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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