people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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