I think I won the penis lottery.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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