think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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