I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
