He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
