please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
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She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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