I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
