Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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