all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
