conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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