My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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