My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
