I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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