I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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