I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it glows. i had to have it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
