Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
