when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
