I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
