Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
