When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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