Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
