Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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