I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
