I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
