I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
