New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
