He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
