I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
