I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
