Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
