By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
