why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
