Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
