Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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