I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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