hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
