He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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