my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just blew my weed a kiss
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
