what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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