if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
