the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
