He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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