She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize