I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm like, not good at living.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
