If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
