I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
