it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
