2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
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he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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