I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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