I feel great
I just peed on a car
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize