This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
