I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize
