Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
