I think I am morally bankrupt
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
