News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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