Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i think i just lost a toe
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
