Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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